Him: I’m a good guy.
Me: What makes you a good guy?
Him: I have my own place, car, and a decent job.
Me: That doesn’t make you a good guy. That makes you an adult.
YES, this is an actual conversation I’ve had with a guy before. Needless to say we didn’t work out.
Now y’all are probably thinking… “THAT’S WHY SHE’S SINGLE”. Y’all are probably right. But WHY should I have felt more attracted to him simply because of what he had? I wasn’t moving in with him, I wasn’t driving his car, and I couldn’t go to work with him; so what does that really add to my life? Don’t get me wrong, I think a guy that is doing well for himself is GREAT and I will ALWAYS acknowledge that. But I don’t feel that a guy’s value should be placed in that. What if he lost his job, car, or his place? Would he no longer consider himself a good guy?
Truth is, most of us like to think that we are the ideal catch (myself included). Then we get in our feelings when people aren’t interested in us. Rejection doesn’t feel good, trust me, I know. But have you dated everyone that has ever approached you in a romantic manner? NO, you haven’t, and neither have I.
Sure it’s frustrating when someone that you are interested in doesn’t notice how awesome you are. We feel like we have to talk ourselves up to get someone to give us the time of day. But think about this. We all have different wants and needs when it comes to relationships. Some of us know what we want, while others aren’t really sure. Maybe you aren’t what a person needs. Maybe you are what someone needs, but they don’t realize it. It’s okay either way. At the end of the day, there is somebody for everybody. Believe that.
I promise, you’d rather attract the right person being yourself, than attract the wrong person trying to be something you’re not. You shouldn’t feel the need to compete for attention that someone isn’t willingly giving you. You don’t have to check boxes or meet certain societal criteria in order to be considered a “good catch”. If you are the best version of yourself by your own standard then that’s all that matters. If someone isn’t attracted to you for who you are then they probably aren’t the person you need anyways.
Don’t try to be a” good guy”. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Just be authentic and show me how amazing (or not amazing) you are and let me decide for myself.
AND LADIES… don’t go out here trying to be a “good woman” either.
But that’s a different post for a different day.
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