When news broke that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle wanted to split from the royal family, debates filled my social media timelines. While their decision to step away has been met with much criticism, I found myself relating to their situation. Harry and Meghan wanted to live THEIR life on THEIR terms, so they decided to walk away.
The past three years have been full of transition for me. I’ve moved several times. I’ve had many jobs. I started a business, and I decided to go back to school. And although my life was coming together, it somehow seemed to be falling apart. Happiness was more of an illusion than a reality. My life wasn’t terrible, but I was still exhausted, anxious, and frustrated all the time.
Through deep reflection and therapy, I realized that the new version of myself didn’t fit into my old way of living. I overstayed my welcome in situations to prove that I’m strong enough to handle them. I wanted to overcome obstacles instead of admitting defeat. I tried to kill people with kindness, and I end up killing my self-esteem in the process. I preferred to be rejected by what was familiar than to endure the uncomfortable uncertainty of the unknown. It wasn’t until one of my coworkers died unexpectedly that I was reminded that life is entirely too short to hold on to situations that are no longer in alignment with the person I was (and still am) becoming. So I decided to let go of what was weighing me down.
Throughout life, I’ve found that if I’m strong enough to stay, then I’m strong enough to walk away. I’m often told if I remove myself from a situation, then I’m “letting others win,” or I’m not “strong enough.” Truth is, wherever I go, I take my strength with me. For me, it’s not about winning or losing. It’s about ejecting myself from the games that my soul, my heart, and my mind never intended to play. Living a life of strife is not what I was designed for.
In this season of transformation and release, I’ve discovered a lot of freedom. I’m no longer tied to people-pleasing. I go where I want to go. I don’t go where I don’t want to go. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my decisions. It’s that simple.
I didn’t have to cut people off, my choices naturally weeded people out. I’ve learned that people don’t dislike me, they dislike my boundaries. And I figured if people were willing to laugh at me at my lowest point, then they would probably heckle me at my highest. But at least when I’m at my highest, I know I’m operating at an optimal level.
To me, self-care is more than finding ways to escape my everyday life. I should commit to creating a life that is worth living, even when the going gets tough. I can’t focus on fulfilling my calling or purpose if I’m trying to micromanage other people’s feelings towards me and the decisions I make.
So no, I’m not giving you permission to walk away from your family or to quit your job or to end a friendship. Life isn’t easy, and everything won’t always go your way. You’re going to have some rough days or weeks or months. People will annoy you and make you mad. Conflict is unavoidable, but it can be dealt with peacefully and maturely. And even if you have good intentions, not every situation is worth pushing through and not every person is worth fighting for.
I encourage you to evaluate what’s really worth your time, mind, and energy. Don’t allow comfort, familiarity, or guilt to stunt your growth. Don’t allow the opinions of people who clearly don’t care about your happiness or growth keep you stagnant.
You’re allowed to enjoy your life. You’re allowed to walk away.
Kymmie,
a twenty-something walking the road less traveled by
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