I’m a perpetually single woman. I’m almost 25 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve had a few 3 week (or less) boyfriends in high school, but I don’t count that. College would have been the perfect opportunity to date, but I went to a woman’s college and I never really did anything social outside of school. So my options were to date someone’s dad, someone’s brother or a professor; none of which were viable or smart options.
Within the past 14 months, I’ve started to actively date and I can say that my love life, or lack thereof, is a hot mess. One guy dumped me for another girl because he “really liked her”. One guy led me on and lied to me. One guy ghosted me TWICE. I’m currently dealing with the aftermath of being involved with a narcissist. Not to mention the few times I’ve sat at a restaurant waiting for a guy to show up. Only to realize after 30 minutes of unanswered text messages and a few missed calls that he wasn’t coming. Or the times I was hit with the “you’re great, but I’m not looking for a relationship” line.
I see a lot of my friends boo’d and bae’d up and I can barely get a text/call back or a second date. With all of my unsuccessful attempts, it’s easy for me to start thinking “what’s wrong with me?” In fact, someone actually told me that I needed to reflect on my actions because apparently, I’m not doing something right. I’m all for honest self-reflection. Trust me, every time something in my life goes south, I think about what went wrong and how I contributed to the situation. What I realized is that the actions of the guys I’ve talked to or dated had nothing to do with me. Their actions were a reflection of their character, not mine.
The worst part of being single is having to deal with the opinions and pressure of others. It’s annoying when I have a casual conversation or a friendship with a guy and everyone is trying to make us a couple. It’s also frustrating because I feel like I have to put up this “I don’t want or need a man” front or I have to prove that I’m happy with being single. Or I have to have some deep explanation as to why I’m single. FYI: I’m single because I don’t have a boyfriend. And the minute I say anything about being single, BAM, I instantly get one of these cliche responses:
“The right person is out there, you just have to be patient”
“You have to be comfortable being alone before you can be comfortable with being with someone else”
“Just take this time to work on yourself” (Like do I stop working on myself when I get in a relationship? #AskingForAFriend)
And my personal favorite:
“You have to go through your bozos before you get to your Boaz”
While all of that may be true to some extent, I’m tired of hearing it. We show support and compassion to people in a variety of situations. But SINGLE PEOPLE? We get ignored and classified as bitter, desperate, unhappy and lonely. No one really takes the time to listen to us our wants and desires, objectively.
Being single doesn’t bother me. If it did, I’d still be chasing after guys that were no good for me. I’m a strong and independent woman and I have no problem with admitting that I WANT A RELATIONSHIP. That doesn’t mean I want a relationship with the next guy I meet or that I’m in a rush to get married. I don’t want a relationship just to say I’m in a relationship and post pictures of my boyfriend an I all over social media. My life is pretty cool the way that it is. I’m simply looking for someone to compliment my life, not to complete it.
In the age of swiping right, sliding in DMs, Netflix and chill, and every guy thinking he’s a good guy simply because he has a car, a job, and a house/apartment, dating sucks. At times, I feel like sitting at home for the rest of my life with my bonnet on and binge watch How I Met Your Mother because I feel like Ted Mosby understands me. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with the rejection, the lies and the disappointment that comes along with dating. Right?
WRONG.Through all of my single woman struggles, I’m still a hopeless romantic. I’m still willing to get to know someone even though it might not turn into anything more. I’m willing to shoot my shot (oh how I hate that phrase), even though I might miss. I know that one day I’ll marry the man of my dreams and we will have beautiful children. Until then, I’ll continue living my life, planning my wedding on Pinterest, and picking out baby names.
My letter to single people
Dear single people,
You deserve to love and be loved.
Having a desire for companionship doesn’t mean you’re lonely.
Moving quickly from one person to the next doesn’t make you a hoe.
Getting dumped or ghosted doesn’t mean you’re flawed.
Having your feelings hurt doesn’t make you weak.
Wanting a healthy and lasting relationship doesn’t mean you’re desperate.
It just means you’re HUMAN!
To all of the single people reading this, it’s okay to want a relationship.
PS: Make it to Me by Sam Smith is the perfect song for single people!